This week I have been dealing with betrayal. A colleague had a conversation about me with some of my employees that was less than flattering and very undermining.
My colleague is a fellow believer in Jesus. For the past 6 months she has been communicating the need for the entire staff to avoid “side conversations of gossip.” Instead, we should be following the Matthew 18 model of conflict resolution.
I wish I could say that this was just a slip up on her part. We all make mistakes, right? We all need grace and forgiveness on a regular basis. So, I should believe the best about her, ask good questions and have a Matthew 18 conversation.
Well, yes, in a perfect world…..I live in the real one. In my world, I believe this was a deliberate attack made through manipulation and motivated by a personal dislike of me. There is a past that would point this direction and my healing wounds have been reopened.
What is God calling me to do in this situation? Walk in wisdom was my first thought. I let another know of the situation, asked for prayer and advice and waited…instead of reacting. The reaction of the other was not what I anticipated.
He asked me to self-reflect. Was there anything that God could be revealing to me that needed to be transformed? I am sure my jaw dropped open. Seriously?! Did he have an intellegence issue? How in the world did he miss the part about gossiping, lying and creating division? None of which were perpetrated by me.
It took about an hour into the conversation for the Holy Spirit’s whisper to be recognized by my spirit. The unmistakable whisper of a Heavenly Father who is utterly committed to making me into a beautiful child of the King at great cost.
I believe God is asking me to humble myself enough to acknowledge my own sin. I have done nothing between the time of past offenses and today to create a relationship with said colleague. Instead, by distancing myself and self protecting I gave Satan a perfect opportunity to gain a foothold. Does this excuse her sin? No, but it does show a necessary area of transformation in my own life.
I will be speaking truth to her about the sin that was committed against me. To do anything less would be unloving, but I believe that now I have the possibility of doing so in love by the power of the Holy Spirit. I have the opportunity to learn what it really means to risk trusting God enough with my heart and hurt to attempt to love instead of retaliate.
Here is to trusting that God will walk before me as I stumble forward following.